Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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