He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
