She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
