pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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