I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
