Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
