FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize