According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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