Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize