I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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