I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
