I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
