They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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