It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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