help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
