i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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