Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
