this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize