Having a random hookup so left but love u
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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