I haven't been this sober since birth.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
