we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize