6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
