so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
