we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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