She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
