put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize