i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
