He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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