I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
