Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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