I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
home. puking in laundry basket.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
