Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
