I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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