You smell like stripper and shame
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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