So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
