Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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