Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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