You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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