I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
