just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
