Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
that may or may not have been my penis.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
