Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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