he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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