The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
