I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
