just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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