We're like a lot better than the average bears
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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