Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
