it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
