I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
