oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
