Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
