so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
