does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
