I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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