At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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