glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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