i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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