Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My balls are so social today.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize