I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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