Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
