Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Are my feet made of real feet?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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