is your mom at the bar?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
