went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
