My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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