So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
