I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
