i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
