I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize