You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
