the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
