does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
