If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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