I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Are my feet made of real feet?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
