i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
