He asked me if I "almost moaned"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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