those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
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