omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
