my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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