I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
