What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
