One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
