why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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