we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
