I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
