i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
nutella sex= disaster
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
