They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
