Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
