So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
