so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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