THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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