woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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