i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
