i already hear my dad disowning me
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
