just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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