A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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