you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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