Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
