I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
