I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
