Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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