Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
