how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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