Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
